Invader Skoodge
by ngrey651
Summary: So how DID Skoodge conquer Planet Blorch? I mean...he's Skoodge. Well, pull up a chair and join us as he relates his tale of victory to his fellow Invaders on his success...and secrets of the past will be revealed one by one, and a new alliance made...
1. PROLOGUE

**Author's Note:  
This story takes place in the year that Zim was stuck inside his house while GIR was the house's new brain. Yep, the "Invasion of the Idiot Dog Brain" episode. This story will hopefully provide some background to my other, bigger IZ fanfic for later plot developments…**

**And hopefully, entertain you. Skoodge needs more stories in which he's a very prominent character!**

**Enjoy…and review by all means!**

* * *

INVADER SKOODGE

* * *

...

...

...

**...PROLOGUE**

"A little more…little MORE…there! Perfect!"

A fat, tubby little being. Green skin made up of tiny little scales…antennae made up of little hairs with the tiniest of nerves running through them….this was a member of the Irken race, a strangely half insect, half reptile sort of thing that was ordering around ANOTHER race to set up for a party!

Strange, huh?

Invader Skoodge whistled and the purplish freaky rat beings that were the Blorchian Slaughtering Rat People nodded, lining up. "That's enough for now, you can go back to your pens."

The rat creatures all nodded, then scampered away as Skoodge looked around at what he'd set his newly-conquered people to work on. He was quite proud…it was an enormous, round building that had many columns around it. The columns AND the neat designs on them had been personally carved by the fangs of the Slaughtering Rat People that Skoodge had enslaved to do his bidding and he was VERY proud of the hallways…all of them had paintings he'd made in them. Yes, paintings. He had gotten bored after taking over Blorch a few months after developing a special strain of virus and had taken up a hobby.

Now he was set to welcome company into the hall. He stroked the walls of the main hall as light fixtures swung back and forth in the air, gently, softly, like cradles. "So do you think this shade of blue is good, Felix?" He asked his good friend's "personal assistant."

Felix was a perfectly rounded being. No "edges" on his body at all…his fingers and toes were like sausages, his nose was a little dumpling, his hair curly. He looked very…cartoony, to tell the truth. Four fingers on each hand and all of them were adjusting a banner over the entranceway.

"Yes, it's good." He said. "I think. Uh, do YOU think it's…nevermind." He shook his head rapidly. He had a tendency of asking his master a question regarding something that required sight, then realizing his master was blind, then saying "nevermind" and quickly shaking his head.

Invader Darth sighed and sat back in his chair, clasping his black and gloved claws together. He wore no clothing on his arms or legs, it helped him "feel" the air around him. He was HIGHLY sensitive when it came to the other senses, but blind as a bat due to a physical flaw in programming. Tallest Miyuki's kindness had protected him from Tallest Spork's malevolence at one time and he owed his life to her.

He had been planning on going to Earth to exterminate the one he was sure killed her…an Irken named ZIM…but he and Felix had stopped by to see Skoodge about 9 months ago and had been happy to discover that Skoodge had developed a strange virus that essentially ate through the brain of the Slaughtering Rat People of Blorch, making them his slaves. He'd taken over the planet quickly and had invited his fellow Invaders of "Operation Impending Doom II" to Blorch for a party!

ALL Irkens **loved** parties, you see! They also had to obey anybody who was taller than them. At one point being tall meant being IMPOSING, so the Irken race had been ruled out of fear. Then one day one of the Tallest had gotten SMART and had decided "Hey, sooner or later the smaller Irkens will realize that they outnumber us, even if we ARE bigger than them. Let's preprogram them so that they gotta listen to anyone taller than them!"

And so, now Irkens had to listen to those taller than them. Preconditioning that formed predispositions. Cleverly devious…and a TOTALLY original Irken idea. One of few. Most of their OTHER technology had been ripped off of other worlds that had been conquered or visited. You could count the number of "original Irken ideas" on both your hands.

And one by one they arrived. Skoodge smiled as he shook the lovely female Irken Invader Zee's hand…she had light purple eyes and like all females, curled antennae. Interestingly, Darth had curled antennae too…Skoodge suspected he had been a failed female, which TECHINCALLY made him somewhat of a-

"Heyyyy!"

Skoodge grinned at the sight of Invader Tenn. He was ALWAYS glad to see her. She was like a sister to him! He hugged her and then stepped back, shaking her hand vividly. "Tenn, how ARE you?" He asked the maroon-eyed beauty.

"Oh, I'm still waiting for some supplies. A few SIR units would be nice on Meekrob." Tenn admitted. "Just a couple would make all the difference!"

"Ohhh! **_OHHHHH_**!"

They all turned and blinked at the sight of Invader Stink and Invader Spleen were carrying in another Invader, pushing Flobee and Slacks to the side. Darth, who was close by, heard the cries of the Irken in distress and approached.

"What's wrong?" He asked, concerned. "What's your problem?"

The Invader looked up, grinning, then the others let go of him as he held Darth's face. "YOU'RE my problem. I think I love you!" He laughed.

Darth blinked, then grinned and grabbed THIS Invader's face. "LARB!"

"DARTH!"

The two hugged each other deeply. "I haven't seen you since the ACADEMY!" Larb laughed. "I've MISSED you, man!"

Skoodge smiled as Darth and Larb headed towards the snack table, with Darth almost bumping into it until Felix quickly nudged him in the back, reminding him of where everything was in the room. Larb and Darth had sat next to each other for 30 years in the academy and had undergone hundreds of simulations and classes together. They were close buddies.

"Everyone, welcome to the party!" Skoodge said, holding up a large glass of soda. "First of all, how have you all been doing on YOUR worlds?"

"Swimmingly for the most part!"

"Kinda…not good."

"I'm stuck."

"Alright, I guess…half of it's in flames."

"I OWN the world. Well, MOST of it."

Skoodge listened to them all talk about how they were doing in their worlds as the Invader's SIR units served them punch and whatnot, but his vision wandered over to Darth, who was slowly sipping on a cup, and even though he could not SEE, there was a look in his unseeing, white eyes that told Skoodge that the taller Irken KNEW something was different about Skoodge, that something had changed.

"So what about YOU, Skoodge?" They all inquired. "How'd YOU conquer your planet so quickly?"

"Yeah, I've still got to deal with these dumb resistance groups." Larb admitted, shrugging.

"And I can't go to the Tallest and claim "Mission Succeeded" until all of my people can line up and spell out "Tallest Rule". Half of them can't even SPELL Tallest."

"Say, wait…" Invader Tenn spoke up. "I have yet to **get** any and everyone else is keeping theirsin the ships, but…where's _your_ SIR unit, Skoodge?" She frowned slightly. "And Darth's?"

"I never got one." Darth said. "Don't need one, since I have Felix here." He said, gesturing towards Felix, who always stood to Darth's right side whenever somebody asked Darth that exact question. This way Darth didn't even have to think, he just spat out that line and gestured to the right where Felix always would stand. "But to tell the truth, I know what happened to his SIR unit. However it's a tale SKOODGE should tell you about. Skoodge, if you could?"

Skoodge sighed and sat down in a chair, placing his clawed hands on his knees and looking up at the ceiling as the light fixture came to a stop directly over him, no longer gently swinging. "Well…" He began. "It started after Darth had come by this planet for the first time to assist me with a little something. I had no idea he'd come back a few months later but I was glad he did, because it was one of the most trying times I've ever endured. You wouldn't BELIEVE what happened…"

…

…

…

… "So many Irkens…and all in one place!"

Stepping away from a scanner monitor, the no-nosed being rubbed his hands together as he sat in the dark confines of his personal spaceship, his square, black hair brushed back neatly, his glasses glinting. "They'd better be on the ball!" He snapped his fingers and a display monitor hovered over to him. "Computer, how close are we to the planet?" He asked. "Is it really going to take 3 hours?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so, sir."

"Did I remember to pack any movies?"

"…no sir."

"…UGH…" He groaned and slapped his face, his glasses bouncing up slightly. "Fine, fine…I'll just take a nap." He headed over to a large, dark-blue chair with a control console built into the armrests and leaned back in it as he looked up at the ceiling of the main deck. "This had better be worth it…"


	2. CHAPTER ONE

_"Science has come to save us from our sickness, hunger, and pain! Behold science-the new God of endless miracles, omnipotent and benevolent! Ignore the weapons and the chaos. Forget the fractured loneliness and endless peril. Science is here! But I have seen Satan's face lurking...I have seen the peril..."_

**CHAPTER ONE**

Skoodge walked into the hallway of his underground lab and headed towards the table that his test subject was strapped into. A young male Rat Person with a gleaming purple coat and curled claws, it was desperately squirming around on the table.

Skoodge's SIR unit, which he simply called SIR, was standing next to the table. SIR units were basically bucket-headed, glowing-eyed robots with sharp claws for hands and a red and grey color scheme. There were even shorter than their Irken masters BUT fanatically loyal and VERY deadly.

It was thanks to SIR that Skoodge had finally caught one of the Rat People for his testing. Soon, he thought, he'd be able to put his virus to work. His original virus had been a form of cancer that simply DESTROYED the brain, but now he was working on a variant that would turn the brain to an easily-molded sludge, making those infected VERY susceptible to being controlled.

"Alrighty then, let's begin the testing!" He said, rubbing his hands together and speaking happily. He made his way through the lab, a large, square room with several desks and tables scattered around and a large computer with a keyboard and control panels sticking out of it to the north area…and, in the event of contamination, a scrub-down area to the east.

Heading over to a desk nearby, a purple and dark brown thing that was definitely a monstrosity of plastic furniture (Like I said before, Irkens had NO originality and stole as many ideas and technological advances as they could lay their claws on) and opened up a capsule that contained a long needle…the virus was contained in this hypodermic needle and soon it's effects would be tested.

The rat's brow was covered with sweat. It began squirming around uselessly, so Skoodge frowned and spoke up. "Stop it, please, try and calm down. If this works, it won't kill you. You'll just be taking orders from me and I'm not that bad a master…" He blinked his eyes. "Am I?" He asked SIR.

"No, sir, you are not sir." SIR insisted.

Skoodge nodded. "See? If he says it, it must be true."

The rat, however, didn't care. Though it could UNDERSTAND those words it couldn't SPEAK basic in the right way, letting out screeches and wails as Skoodge advanced and grabbed one furry arm, clutching it tightly. He then raised the needle and jammed it into an exposed, pink vein…

The needle slid in like a hot knife through butter. In a few moments the rat was quivering madly and Skoodge frowned, stepping back and getting a recorder out from the desk. "Alright, I'm making note of the reaction I'm getting from my testing subject, which has gone into nasty convulsions and-"

The thing began to scream and Skoodge gasped as oily, black TAR of some kind began to leak out of it's head…this was his brain…it was MELTING away. He'd overdone it somehow, and the thing was screaming in pain.

"GAAAAAAYYYYYYYAAAAHHHHHH! GUUUAAAAAAHHHHHHAAAYYYY!" It gasped out.

Skoodge's body shook. He turned a dark, sickening shade of green as he looked at the test subject, who was still convulsing horridly. Finally he could bear it no more. "SIR, put it out of it's misery." He insisted.

SIR nodded. "Yes master, I obey." It's head compartment opened up and a carbine popped out, suspended on a spindly mechanical limb. The plasma gun hummed to life and then quickly tore a hole through the being's head and into the floor, incinerating the beast's skull and killing it.

"…that was disgusting." Skoodge said quietly. Then he rubbed his hands together, putting the tape recorder away. "Well, guess I've got work to do! SIR, go round up another test subject while I get back to work on a new strain of the virus!" He remarked cheerfully.

SIR nodded. "Yes, master, I obey!" It said, bounding up the steps of the underground lab. Their lair was a small shack with a large, metallic door that was hidden in a big rock, one place a Slaughtering Rat Person wouldn't think to pay much attention to…though some had used it as a TOILET.

"DISGUSTING creatures!" SIR hissed as he looked out the small round window of the door and saw another pile of pellets just outside of the door. He quickly looked left, then right, then headed towards the set of stairs that led to the cameras that had been situated at the top of the rock-hut they hid in. Going to the camera console at the north end of the small, hidden lair, SIR looked over the footage and saw there weren't any Rat Creatures around…and according to the radar the nearest one was five miles away.

Good. Close enough. SIR jumped across the room, opened and closed the door to the lair, then activated his jet pack and soared across the dark sky of Planet Blorch, heading towards the organic life signal that was five miles away…four miles…three…two…one…

…

…

…

…Skoodge looked through the microscope at the pulsing little strain of viral cancer underneath the lens. The last one had had a squiggly body…this one was more solid, more THICK and it had small, squishy antennae on all sides. He checked over his books and nodded…yes, it resembled the sort of mind-erasing viruses noted in the "Galactic Sourcebook" he'd brought with him. There were few viruses that got to work so badly on the mind that it made them…well, to put it bluntly and in an interesting fashion, it would ike someone had not only set their **brain** on fire BUT had tried to put said self-set fire **out** using a very rusty and poorly-made shiv made out of bar soap.

The "bar soap shiv" diseases ALSO made those afflicted easily susceptible to suggestions of others, but there were a few, and these few were VERY deadly…their outbreaks horrific.

Skoodge frowned as he looked over one instance of an outbreak. It had occurred on Vort. Vort…

It was too bad about Vort getting Larb, he thought. Invader Larb could be quite hard on other species, even though he was really buddy-buddy with his fellow Irkens. He didn't envy the Vortians.

BANG!

The door came open and SIR was there, holding onto a FEMALE rat person which was soon strapped into the table. Skoodge held the needle up into the air and gave a test injection, then walked towards the quivering rat person.

"Not just relax…" He insisted. "I promise, this will only hurt for a few minutes."

The needle went in.

She screamed. They ALWAYS screamed.

**Author's Note:**

**Intense...I know. But tell me your thoughts!**


	3. CHAPTER TWO

_"That a man can take pleasure in marching in formation to the strains of a band is enough to make me despise him. He has only been given his big brain by mistake; a backbone was all he needed. This plague-spot of civilization ought to be abolished with all possible speed. Heroism by order, senseless violence, and all the pestilent nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism — how I hate them! War seems to me a mean, contemptible thing: I would rather be hacked in pieces than take part in such an abominable business**.**"_

**CHAPTER TWO**

His mission was turning out to be a success. Bit by bit he was gaining power over the inhabitants of Blorch, as more and more Slaughtering Rat People were forced under his control. Best of all, when they bit other rats, THOSE rats were infected!

The nice thing about the Slaughtering Rat People of Blorch was that they were very much a low-level, scavenging society. They made nests out of gathered-up soft materials and would fight over territory, everything they had was taken from the planet and from those that weren't using it anymore.

And when they fought…HOO! Scratching and tearing and biting…it got NASTY.

And it would have gotten quite nasty for his friend if Skoodge hadn't quickly interfered. You see, a customized cruiser had landed on Planet Blorch, following his technological signal but landing farther away than it should have…too close to a nest of wild rat people.

Felix had clung like mad to his master, eyes wide with fear as Darth heard the hissing chittering of the Slaughtering Rat People advance towards the ship. There was no way he'd be able to get the plank up in time.

Luckily, a sharp whistle went through the air and the rat people turned around, seeing…Skoodge, riding atop a HUGE rat and holding a large stick in the air as he led a "platoon" of his own  
"men". "ATTACK!" He roared out, in that moment truly sounding like a courageous commander, a TRUE Irken invader!

The mass of purple soared forward, rushing across the open, tan-colored plain of Blorch, his forces roaring and hissing as they rushed at the group that would DARE to attack his friend Darth! He and Darth had been through training together and were close friends…in fact, Skoodge told Darth everything about his experiences here on the planet and the blind Irken had even helped him develop the first strain of the virus he was now using to control a sizeable chunk of Planet Blorch's slaughtering population.

Darth was grateful he couldn't see, but he didn't want Felix to have the "honor of seeing Skoodge's glorious victory just yet" so he urged the young one back into the ship and ordered him to hide somewhere until he was "ready to partake in Irken victory". He ran to the side of the ship and pressed a button, raising the plank back up into the ship…but he was unable to keep from hearing the horrid squealing and squelching noises that erupted from down below. There was a fine mist that coated his body and he could taste a salty-iron hint in the air…definitely blood.

Skoodge had vomited profusely after seeing one rat strangle another with it's own intestines, but now composed himself as he tapped on the ship, rapping on it so the plank lowered again and Darth and Felix came out.

NOW they knew why the people of Blorch were given the title "Slaughtering". Those that were still ALIVE and hadn't been eaten were being dragged off to be eaten later by hungry, glinting-eyed rats as Skoodge took some deep breaths before deciding to actually speak.

"Thanks for not letting me see all of that." The young one had told the blind Irken.

"It's good to see you again, buddy." Skoodge said. "Glad you came in person and…who is this young being?"

"That's Felix." Darth said, nodding his head. "He's my "nephew" I guess you could say. I'm taking care of him and giving him a home ever since his family died in a fire."

Felix nodded. His voice was kinda squeaky and bouncy. "Should I go get the snacks?"

"Yes, good idea!" Darth said, snapping his claws. "Go do that, please." He requested.

Felix headed back into the ship as Darth put his arms behind his body and shrugged. "He's a Modian, so his body parts can be used to replace any other species body part. If I were to have my arm ripped off, he could take his own off and it would fit right into my body and, with a little time, physically alter to become an Irken arm. Amazing, isn't it? Too bad all of their kind was ravaged in a civil war and he's the only one left."

…

…

…

…Darth, who was listening to Skoodge tell the story, smirked to himself. What none of them knew was that this was a lie. The planet Modius was still inhabited and filled with Modians. Felix wasn't the last of his kind. He'd saved the child after killing it's family so that he could, in a pinch, take his eyes.

Still, he _was_ quite fond of the little one. Occasionally he'd rest his claws upon the sleeping Felix and feel the soft motion of him breathing in and out, and hear his gentle mumbling. The child was so sweet, so helpful, so innocent…he would weep for the child, he knew it. When the time come, he would weep.

"So what happened next?" Tenn asked nervously as Skoodge blinked.

"Well…we decided to celebrate Darth coming over with some drinks…"

…

…

…

…ah, caffeine. IT'S GOOD FOR YOUR HEART! Having downed three "Blue Bubble Gum" sodas without stopping, our "heroes" got down to the nitty-gritty.

"I've been doing some research." Darth said, tossing some pictures on a table. "Take a look. I developed them in my ship."

Skoodge examined at the photos that had been tossed onto the table that was in the center of their main lair. They were all photos of scientists, from the looks of their outfits. There were two Vortians…one a female with curled horns, the other a male with sharp horns. Vortian males had typically shorter, stronger horns while females had longer, more curled horns, being rather similar to Irkens in that regard.

"From what the computer informed me, the female Vortian's name is Elaice. And that male's name is Lard Nar." Darth said. "The big being that looks masked in the third photo is a Kamenjin named Fram. And then there's that Isoltian…"

Skoodge picked up the photo of a female scientist who had big eyes and peanut-shaped black pupils. She had two flimsy, low-hanging ears sticking from the side of her head and had stubby, hand-less appendages. "Her name is Groa. All of these were scientists who worked on Vort Research Station 9 along with Zim. Over and over I tried tracking them down, but they kept running away. I managed to reach Elaice though, and she shared some interesting news with me."

He clasped his claws together. "What I'm about to tell you is going to be shocking. It has to do with Tallest Spork…"

"I never really liked him much, to be honest." Skoodge admitted. "He was a meanie."

ONE SUCH EXAMPLE…

Tallest Spork was calmly standing on a balcony, overlooking a large city on Irk…one that had recently experienced some STRANGE weather.

"Did you see that?" He asked an aide, a navigator who had deep-set, dark blue eyes and a communicator on the side of his head. "There were some things FLOATING in the air…"

"Yes sir, but now they're gone. Our turrets activated and nobody could have survived those explosions. It's all clear as day." The navigator told him.

Spork shrugged. "Yes, yes, I suppose that everyone is entitled to their own opinion."

Then one of his spider legs shot out, and with a quick fluid motion WHACKED the navigator like it was a nine-iron and the poor Irken was a golf ball. He went sailing over the balcony, clear into the city, and in through a window, breaking it into a dozen or more pieces.

"BUT I DON'T WANNA HEAR ANY **MORE** OF 'EM!" Spork laughed, his very dark green eyes glinting evilly as he threw his head back.

…

…

…

… "Hoo boy he was a BIG meanie." Skoodge said.

"Yeah, back when he was SECOND Tallest, he'd made me do odd jobs for him. One time he forced me to carry ALL of his bags filled with snacks while he was doing inspection rounds at the Centers, and do you want to know what I saw!?" Larb asked.

**SFX: Wood creaking**

Everyone leaned in, eyes wide with anticipation.

"He actually KICKED a smeet!"

Everyone GASPED.

"The FIEND!" Tenn hissed.

"Yeah, we'd been talking a lot about Spork, me and Darth…" Skoodge agreed.

…

…

…

…"Yes, he was quite nasty. AND full of himself!" Darth told Skoodge. "So good riddance to bad rubbish! But you see, I've discovered there was a REASON why Miyuki perished in that lab accident that was reported in the official autopsy reports. I checked them and found that Spork himself had declared a "lab explosion" caused by the Vortians to be responsible for her death and that it was a "tragedy"."

"Yeah, but I always suspected some foul play." Skoodge admitted. "I mean, she used to be a scientist on Vort, if there was a real danger she wouldn't have GONE to that station."

"Furthermore it seemed odd that SHE was the only casualty. And most of us _**knew**_ Spork hated her. So I decided to head to the source…the survivors. And I found out something interesting."

"Sir, is everything satisfactory? Are the drinks chilled enough?" SIR asked Skoodge as Felix stood next to the SIR unit. "What should I do with this worm baby?"

"Don't touch Felix at all. Just leave him alone and let him sit with us. In fact, why don'tcha take a break?" Skoodge inquired.

"_Oh_. Alright, master, very well." The SIR unit said, nodding and walking off as Felix drew up a chair and sat near Darth.

"What I learned…" Darth whispered, leaning in close. "Was that Spork was directly behind Miyuki's demise…"

**Author's Note:**

**Einstein sure could be witty! Review!**


	4. CHAPTER THREE

_"Science isn't used to bring light to all people of this world but to feed the arrogance of few proud people who see themselves as superior to others. Science is used mostly for selfish reasons. Why try to help humankind when you can get incredibly rich or invent a new weapon and take over the world? Science is only as good as people who wield it. And people aren't very good at all."_

**CHAPTER THREE**

"SIR!" The SIR unit burst into the room. "I couldn't help but overhear and I must say, such talk is unbecoming of-"

"Yeah, yeah, go out on guard duty." Skoodge said, waving his gloved claws dismissively, turning to Darth and not seeing SIR'S eyes narrow for a moment before he left the room. "What did you say?"

…

…

…

… "Yeah, what DID you just say?" Tenn asked. "That's just…that can't be true!...could it?"

"It could, and it WAS." Skoodge said. "Darth went on to tell me that Miyuki had HAD that research station chosen by Spork himself because he KNEW what was waiting for her…"

"Which was?" Tenn asked.

"He'd had Zim assigned there and instructed the other scientists to let him work on an Infinite Energy Absorbing Blob, and had sent a little communication to Zim earlier in the day. He'd told Zim to show off his new creation…KNOWING that the blob was dangerous and that it could kill Miyuki."

"And it DID." Darth hissed, claws clenching. "ZIIIIIIM…"

"I knew Zim was destructive, but…Miyuki, I-I…" Tenn looked horrified.

"I'm GLAD he's exiled. Now more so than ever, if you don't mind me saying." Larb insisted, frowning.

"So then Darth told me that it had taken quite a while to track down Elaice…"

…

…

…

…the Vortian was like all of her species: grey skin, horns atop her head with small fangs. She was definitely female, all of the females on Vort had their horns curling down and frontward, while the males had theirs curling back.

She had on a single eyepath over her right eye…at one point she'd been able to afford a fancy scanner-vision for her injured eye that had been lost in a tragic scientific accident. Now though, she was forced to a simple black patch.

Elaice approached her lab and opened up the door, walking back inside. She was one of many prisoners of the Irken empire…scientific prisoners who had use still when it came to producing weapons. She'd just finished some touch-ups on a pulse rifle and was planning on getting some rest…

But upon entering her lab and heading towards her closet to put her overcoat away, she heard a "knock" on the door. She turned around and headed for it, opening it up…

Coming face to face with a guard, who looked down at her.

"I told you, I'm almost finished with it!" She insisted.

The guard however, didn't reply. Then she noticed the smell of blood and saw it…saw it dripping from his mouth…

She screamed and stepped back as Invader Darth let the body fall down. "He should have let me see you without complaint. His own fault, really." He told Elaice.

"Wh-what's going on?" Elaice asked.

"You're going to be PUNISHED…you made a terrible mistake." Darth whispered, his white, sightless eyes narrowing as he smelled the waves of fear coming from her.

"I just do what they tell me to! I didn't want to make weapons, I wanted to be in defense!" She began.

He snarled at her. "**Silence**…I speak of making the choice to allow Zim to work on the IEAB! You REMEMBER Zim…don't you, Elaice?" He hissed.

Elaice's eyes went wide with memory. She DID remember him. "This is about M-Miyuki, isn't it?" She'd thought the secret had been kept hidden for the most part…the Tallest didn't know about it…the general public didn't know…there had been SOME leaks, but those had been quickly squelched…hadn't they?

"I hacked your computer files through my ship, and it confirmed what I needed to know. Though you suspected Spork was up to something, your choice to let Zim work on the Infinite Energy Absorbing Blob killed my Lady Miyuki. Now…I'm going to kill you." He hissed. Two of his metallic spider legs extended from his PAK and rushed through the air, he knew she would dive to the side, and his calculation was rewarded when he heard the soft "SCHA-THUNK" of his leg embed into her side. She hit the ground, screaming as he advanced, getting up to her face…

In desperation, she clawed at him, making him jump back and let go of her. She ran through the lab, hiding underneath a table, covering her mouth as he walked around.

He held a knife up, smiling. "I know you're scared…" He whispered softly, calling to her. "Here I am, threatening to kill you…it's not a fair fight Elaice…but I'm not interested in fighting. I just want you to die…"

He then tossed it through the air and it struck the table she was at. He was rewarded with a shriek, and he used his spider legs to upturn the table…well, all but one. That one pierced her in the side again and he drew her towards him, taking off his gloves to reveal his claws, reaching for her neck…

"No, no, _please_…" She sobbed tearfully. He could feel how afraid she was, her body shaking, her breath quick and frightened. "No…please, no…please, don't, PLEASE…"

"There's nothing to be afraid of…" He crooned to her, putting his other claws around her waist almost like he was holding her in an embrace of love. "Just relaaaaax." He insisted. "Let me taste you…"

He was going to eat her. No evidence. A slow death…she deserved it. All of them hadn't done anything to-

Before his fangs found her throat he heard a whisper. "We were just following orders…"

That did it. He throttled her. HARD. "Shut it! I know what Spork asked you to do, but HE'S dead thanks to Zim's own immense idiocy, so I cannot punish-"

"No, he's not dead!" She whispered quickly.

He blinked. Confusion…

WHAT?! This simply couldn't BE! He'd seen a VIDEOTAPE of Spork getting GOBBLED, just like he'd heard the soon-silenced news report of Miyuki's-

"I saw him…all of us did…he threatened to kill us if we told…please don't hurt me…" Elaice begged.

"Where did he GO then?" Invader Darth whispered angrily, his claws digging into Elaice's arms.

"He's hiding…on Irk…" Elaice whispered. "Hiding in the shadows…always hiding…please help me…don't let him kill me…"

Darth smiled at her. "Oh don't worry…I won't let him kill you…" He said gently.

He caressed her cheek, then moved it down to her neck. She saw the glint in his eyes and realized what he had planned. "No…noooo…" She whispered.

"There, there, it's for the best." He said, his voice so cruelly soft and warm. His teeth found her neck…

…

…

…

…she lay there, her lips moving as she mumbled, half unconscious. Darth wiped his mouth of her blood. Ever since he'd done some experimentation on himself, his teeth had a very interesting taint to them. To a fellow Irken, it was unnoticeably different from any other bite. To many other races it was so hallucinogenic it could keep them comatose and babbling for weeks…she wasn't a threat anymore.

She should count herself lucky, he thought to himself. According to his research, the toxin's he'd coated his teeth with could be fatal to some alien races. He wondered which ones. Perhaps he'd need to test it out…

He knew soon he'd get the chance.

…

…

…

…Fram was a large alien. He had a mask-like, white face with a gaping mouth, empty black eyes, and thin arms. His body was hunched over and thick, and his neck could be stretched out…it was stretched now as he looked from left to right around the corner, nervously blinking. Then he slid his way across street, heading for another alley.

He was being hunted. He knew, he KNEW that…that HE was after him. If he didn't get moving, he would die. Plain and simple.

The stars twinkled brightly overhead as he made his way towards the cardboard box he'd stashed his food in. He'd have to leave the planet. There was a spaceport nearby, a mile away. If he ran, he could get there in…twenty minutes, maybe fifteen?

He crouched down and rummaged through a big sack. Darn it, why were his hands shaking so much? They were knocking all the canned goods together, too friggin' LOUD, too-

A harsh, stabbing pain below his shoulder. He screamed and fell to the ground, paralysis setting in. He let out a gasp…he could still breathe, but…

A white-eyed Irken walked around him, then placed it's hand upon his masked face.

"I can feel your quivers…your fear is potent. Good. Now tell me where HE is and I'll go easy on you." The Irken says. His antennae are curled up at the end…yet…that voice. There is only one explanation.

"Those antennae…they're ROUNDED at the ends…and CURLED too! You're a failed Irken!" Fram says, snarling. "You should have been a WOMAN…"

"Should have been born with eyesight too, but the system doesn't always work out the way we want it to." The Irken says, shrugging. But deep inside there's a tiny flame of anger growing. "Now…" His claws find Flam's neck. "WHERE'S SPORK?"

"AAA!" Blood dripping down…he digs in deeper and deeper. "No more! Stop!"

"It STOPS when you START talking." The Irken snarls.

"But if I tell you, I'm a dead man…" Fram whispered.

"No, you won't be. You'll be unable to tell anyone anything but you won't be DEAD. I would think somebody like you would want to take any chance they have, right?" The soft-voiced Irken inquires, looking intrigued, his voice so smug, so MOCKING…

"Stop, I'll tell you…I found out where he was hiding…we ALL did…and now he's going to hunt us all down! He'll kill you too, he'll KILL you like he had Miyuki killed!" Flam mutters. "He's on the Western Quadrant, at the old biological weapons laboratory! He gasped out.

"…thank you." The Irken says, letting go of his neck. "Now hold VERY still…" He says, walking around and leaning down…Glam catches a sight of the Irken baring his teeth and then-

…

…

…

… "Sigh. How unpleasant." Darth said, folding his arms. He climbed back into his ship, the BINED looking over Flam, who was curled up, seeing terrible visions and screaming. He was living through a nightmare and unable to exit it…but at least he wouldn't die., nor be a threat to anyone ever again. The effect would wear off in a few months…if he was strong enough, he'd live through this.

Ordering the ship to the western quadrant, Darth closed his eyes and leaned back in his eat, closing his eyes and trying to sleep…

…and a voice woke him up.

"You aim to kill him."

Darth turns around. His ship's computer has connected him to the BINED, he sees within the ship. He sees someone whom he feels he KNOWS…how does he know this odd, pinkish being?

"You're going to kill Spork. And Zim." The youth says to him.

"They are not innocent." Darth snaps. "How did you get inside here?"

"I can teleport myself anywhere I feel like." The kid says. "I have power over Gravity, to move myself anywhere!"

"…right, right." Darth frowns. "What do you want?"

"Maybe I didn't want to miss dear Invader Darth in action." The youth mused, shrugging. "I didn't wanna run the risk of getting into a fight. I don't want to hurt you."

With that, Darth turns off the BINED, he can hear it in the kid's voice. That wording. "I don't want to hurt you". It tells him all he needs to know.

Turning around Darth folds his arms as the ship, on auto-pilot, continues towards it's destination. "DON'T pretend to act proud of me. You do not know me."

"The galaxy doesn't LIKE your kind. They HATE you." The kid said.

Darth frowned. "So you hate my kind and want to tell me how evil I am as a member of the Irken race?"

"No…I think you're all confused. You're a perfect example. All through your life you've got mantras drilled into you that the Irken empire is superior to all other races and that you can do whatever you want. You don't form true bonds of friendship or family half as much as other species."

"…what choice do we have? Trust is dangerous." Darth said simply. "We must be feared if we are to accomplish our goals. And I am sure you fear us too."

…

…

…

… "So what happened?" Larb inquired.

"He left the ship. That was all. Guess he got tired of talking to me." Darth said, shrugging.

But that wasn't the truth. The truth was the human had spoken and his reaction had been surprising.

"_No. I LOVE you all, Darth. Honestly."  
_  
No…NO…

That can't freaking BE.

He cannot, he CANNOT believe that. Nobody cares about the Irken empire but fellow Irkens. We are not loved, we cannot be pitied! No sympathy, no MERCY! How can anyone say something…something…

"Do…NOT…PITY ME!" He wails, turning around…

But there's no sound. Frowning, Darth listens…and realizes there's no more breathing. The youth is gone…

And after a few hours the ship announces that he's reached his destination.

**Author's Note:**

**That's the only time you'll see the human in this story. Key word being "see". Also, I hope this chapter answered a few questions.**

**Now review! **


	5. CHAPTER FOUR

_"Okay, let's play pretend! Assume science has created a monster that it can't control. What happens when the reverse becomes true?" _

**CHAPTER FOUR**

There's a storm rising up. Dust stinging at his face, causing him to land several miles away from where he wanted to be…it wouldn't be safe to get any further in his ship, but because he doesn't need to worry about going blind from the sting of the wind and dust due to already BEING blind, he heads out in a straight line, making sure not to stray from the path he's mentally mapped out in his head.

Finally he makes it there. After arriving at his destination, used his mechanical spider legs to break down the door to the old laboratory. He could see nothing, but he felt the suppressed air, the muskiness…yet there was another scent. An IRKEN scent and…something else. Something…that smelled oddly like burning…

He deactivated his spider legs, dropping to the floor and feeling…moistness beneath him as he takes his gloves off. He puts them back on and listens intently for any sounds…becoming absolutely still. The place is dark, he knows because his ship has told him there's no power flowing through the facility at all…

"I know why you're here…"

A smug voice. A familiar, rather nasty voice. Charming at one point yet twisted deep down. SPORK. But…the voice is rather…out of sync. As if…

"You're here to kill me. Tell me, how did you find me? No wait, let me guess…one of THOSE idiots told you. A scientist…"

Suddenly something squishes nearby. Darth snarls and turns around, holding up a gun in it's direction. "Don't move, Spork! I want answers." He demanded. "WHY did you order Miyuki dead?"

"Aw, did you LOVE her?" Spork asked.

Darth's moment of hesitation is all that he needs. "You DID. You DID! Oh, how rich! This is too good!"

"You're not leaving here alive OR in a single piece…"

"I killed her because I was tired of it. Tired of being second in power to her. Tired of having to share the power. The bitch had to die." Spork speaks so calmly that Darth knows he won't be bothered by slaying his former Tallest at ALL. "I had power for only a few measly MONTHS, and then it was taken from me by Zim…but I've been building power all over again. In fact…"

SLORCH!

Something grabs Darth's back, injecting itself into his PAK and he SEES, he SEES…he sees Spork laughing, his dark green, perfectly rounded eyes laughing so horridly as…

"You're not even IRKEN anymore!" Darth gasps in horror. He sees, he sees Spork for what he is now…

"Picture it if you can, Darth!" Spork hisses, going to full height. "I was trapped in that Infinite Energy Absorbing Blob for years! But then I gained control….yes…" He smirked. "Ripped myself from it, taking a chunk of it with me…bending it's weak mind to my will! And now I have a new form…"

A form that was twisted…a blobbish horror, his own true "body" embedded in the center of this monstrosity as it's tentacles lash around, it's claws curl…it's stomach bulging slightly, filled recently with screaming Irkens who begged and pleaded for mercy and found none…prey to sustain him…

"Murdering your own kind for food…" Darth finds it disgusting. He only killed to protect himself. He'd never actually EAT another Irken. He was good at lying and making people fear for their lives with a single, chilling smile, but he wouldn't do what Spork was doing…what his former Tallest was doing was too cruel…too sick!

"I imagine you want to know about Miyuki, too…" Spork went on.

Darth blinked. _No_.

"She didn't last too long against MY mind."

_I'm going to kill you._

"Too bad she didn't care about you the way you did about her…"

"She…cared…" Darth whispered.

Spork looked a little bit surprised, but then went on, chuckling. "She became very BORING, sobbing and wailing, so I shut her mind down. She's still stuck inside. I like playing with her mind sometimes…" He remarked. "She's given me a LOT of energy. Bit by bit I'm getting stronger, and soon I'll go after Purple and Red…I already took care of most of the scientists, actually." Spork says, his tentacle still embedded deep in Darth's mind, forcing him to see his wide smirk. "Don't look so surprised. Elaice and Flam would have EVENTUALLY recovered…I couldn't let THAT happen. To put it tritely, they knew too much…"

He grins. "But enough of that. I've had a two-course dinner. Now I want dessert…" Spork laughed. "Say goodnight." His tentacles wrap around Darth as darkness invades the Irken's vision…

Pain…shared pain that comes from Spork, who screams horridly as a big, sharp metallic pole is embedded in his TRUE body, near the bottom…a good throw has saved Darth's life. Dropping his prey, Spork thrashed around, screaming as he slunk back. A smooth and caring pair of arms picked Darth up and ran out the back door as fast as he could. "C'mon, we're out of here! NOW!"

Felix…dear Felix has come to save him.

…

…

…

…Darth patted Felix on the side, smiling. "I owe him my life, and a great deal of thanks. I was able to escape from Spork because of him, and make my way back to Skoodge…"

"And after hearing THAT story…" Skoodge explained, nodding his head. "I had Felix and SIR come into the room and we all got to talking…"

…

…

…

… "We need to alert the Tallest." SIR insisted.

"I don't think they would believe us. We need to hunt Spork down ourselves." Darth insisted.

"I don't think we can do THAT either." Skoodge said. "They're taller than us, right? We gotta do what they say. I mean, if he told us to go jump off a cliff, we'd start running towards it. Even if we stopped ourselves we'd still be running because of our preconditioning…"

Darth frowned, and sighed. "…you're right…"

"We need to enlist OUTSIDE help…" Skoodge said. "Somebody who's powerful and skilled enough who we can trust that's not an Irken. If ONLY Spork hadn't blamed the Vortians for killing Miyuki! Then we could just ask them!"

Darth crossed his arms. "Yes…it IS too bad they cannot help. But there may be SOME allies we can look up…I'll go through the records on my ship. Felix, why not whip us up some cake?"

"I like cake." Skoodge said happily.

"Okey-dokey!" Felix said. "Chocolate or vanilla?"

"Chocolate."

"Righto!"

…

…

…

… "While Felix went to go make cake, and Darth went to check the ship's records for any allies of the Irken empire, I decided to take a nap and ordered SIR to go on guard duty. But I was surprised by what I saw when I woke up from my nap. He was down in the lab…and making a strain of virus himself…" Skoodge said, frowning as he put his hands on his hips. "And it was then that I realized something was very, VERY off with him…"


	6. CHAPTER FIVE

_"The Enrichment Center reminds you that the weighted companion cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak." _

**CHAPTER FIVE**

Skoodge climbed down the stairs into the laboratory to find SIR was at a table, holding up a vial to the light and looking intently at it. It bubble and quivered and he seemed to SMILE at this, even though he had no mouth.

"SIR, what are you doing?" Skoodge inquired.

"I am working on a new variant of the virus, sir." SIR said. "I have reason to believe, after many hours of guard duty, that the strain wears off over time. I wish to make a more permanent solution to the problem of enslaving."

"…well…" Skoodge shrugged, then grinned. "Good for you! I'm very happy to see you getting so into this! Nice to know that you're taking initiative, I swear you get more Irk-like every day!"

With a happy whistle, Skoodge headed up the stairs as SIR looked over the blue, bubbling mixture and smirked to himself. OHH, this was going to be an interesting week.

…

…

…

…Irken society is interesting. Above all, the way they deal with emotions is QUITE interesting. Some are preprogrammed into PAKS, and thus, into Irken brains. The rest are usually learnt on their own through experience. But the problem is that there's conditioning done during the training that takes place that teaches them that "good" is what is best for the Empire.

This is the problem. Let's take Invader Tenn. She's been taught that obeying your Tallest is a prime directive. Ensuring that the empire prospers is her highest duty. She will conquer planets, overthrow governments, kill, slaughter and burn and she is not supposed to feel bad about it because it's all towards the goal of making sure that the "Superior Irken Empire" remains important. Other races are naturally inferior.

However, the way the Irkens were taught made them little more than spoiled, selfish children. They didn't have the right responses to the things around them. They were trained in the wrong way, not truly understanding the RIGHT things that caused pleasure, disgust or hatred. On Vort, conduct that was good for Vortians was in comformity to a force known as "Rta", a pattern of nature and supernature that was much like the cosmic order. It made up their moral values and as such they knew how to truly behave. On Sude, a planet famous for spreading the teachings of the "One Great Creator", they taught that true altruism was beyond existence itself, something more powerful than the universe. Miyuki, an IRKEN, had once told others that it was only through compassion and virtue that Irk could become strong.

An Earthling had once said that "the head rules the belly through the chest"...that reason was able to take control of the most primal of desires through EMOTIONS, through magnanimity and sentiment. Only through the heart, through "superego" could you link "id" with "ego". Through your moral core you could link your instinct with your ego and be balanced.

But that had been then. This was now. Irkens weren't taught compassion anymore. They were essentially made to believe that sentiments were all non-rational unless they benefited the Empire. Essentially, Irk was producing people without hearts. People without chests, really.

But the thing is...when Irkens were exposed to things that caused them great discomfort and unhappiness...and the Empire did nothing to help or even tried to say that their unhappiness was for the GOOD of the empire...then those Irkens would quickly experience a revelation. They'd GET it. The Empire was WRONG. The Cake is a LIE. Some of the Irkens at Skoodge's party had already experienced such desires...desires to strike back at the Empire. And others would experience those same desires with time.

But enough of that. Let's return to the story...

You see, many days passed…

And those days turned into weeks…

And Darth continued to search through his files, using the BINED to link with the ships computer. He wasn't having much luck with finding anybody that would HELP he and Skoodge out. The Irkens were NOT well liked throughout the galaxy. (People don't LIKE you, Hancock!)

"Hmm…no…" He shook his head. "The Gungans are idiots, the Majesdanes are locked in civil war, the Quinta-Queltians are selfish and those one-eyed losers would be no help…I do not DARE go beyond to the other side of the galaxy for help, who KNOWS what lies on that side." He sighed and took the BINED off, shaking his head. "Ugh…Felix, gimme some cake!"

"Comiiiiing!" Felix called out. "Chocolate or vanilla?"

Meanwhile, Skoodge had gone back down into the lab and was peeking in, hearing horrid squeals and pitiful cries. As he entered the lab he saw it…

A young rat. It looked like a BABY. He could hold the little thing in one arm, that's how small it was…and it wasn't even PURPLE yet, it was a pinkish/purple blend!

And SIR was holding up a needle, examining it to see if he was going to inject a proper amount of strain into the small rat person.

"SIR, hold on, that's just a youngling. It's a rat baby SMEET for Irk's sake." He frowned. "This seems very…wrong. Unfair. I mean, I never experimented on young ones, it's not necessary."

"This IS necessary sir." SIR said, nodding his head. "I need to test on ALL age groups and gender groups."

Skoodge blinked. "You tested it before?!"

"Yes, on female, male, old, middle aged, young parents, pregnant parents…" SIR rattled the list off in a nonchalant fashion.

Skoodge felt a little sick at the mention of those last two words.

That wasn't right.

THIS wasn't right.

Yes, Irkens didn't get pregnant anymore…

Well, unless it was in secret…there **were** some procedures that could be done to bring out the sexual organs buried deep inside an Irken's body, but Skoodge didn't know anybody who'd undergone such a procedure. Then again, he was kind of "out of the loop".

Skoodge, however, quickly got his thoughts back on track and disgust and revulsion filled him up. You didn't experiment on a pregnant being! That went beyond any level of good conduct. Skoodge may have always followed orders to a "t", but he didn't LIKE having to hurt people and he never did it unless it was absolutely necessary. In fact, he was very nice and agreeable, even to his "foes". Perhaps this meant he was...

Skoodge cleared his thoughts of that idea. What SIR was doing was going BEYOND what he was supposed to do. He'd gone into the realm of something completely **cruel**.

"That is ENOUGH, SIR." Skoodge said, eyes narrowing, gloved hands clenching hard. "I want to examine your strain AND a subject I've already altered with my own strain to see if your claims are true and the disease DOES wear off in time."

"Trust me sir, it does." SIR said in his monotone.

"That's the thing. I _don't_ trust you. You're not really being very…open…with me." Skoodge said.

SIR's eyes narrowed. "You ARE smarter than I thought you were. You DO know your stuff…"

SIR's top opened and two guns popped out, which he leveled at Skoodge. "But you see, I have been planning to make some changes in command for quite some time."

"You want to sabotage the mission?!" Skoodge asked. "But we were specially chosen by Tallest Red and Purple!"

"Sabotage? Oh no, I'm doing this for the good of the mission." SIR said softly. "And you are NOT going to stop me."

And it was then that Skoodge knew that unless he acted very, very quickly, and thought fast, he was going to die.

And it made him wish he'd lost that five pounds he'd sworn to lose for his New Year's Resolution.


	7. CHAPTER SIX

_"I hate robots. Yep. Hate 'em a lot." _

**CHAPTER SIX**

Hindsight, as they say, is ALWAYS 20/20. There were signs that SIR had felt that HE was acting for the good of the mission more than Skoodge had been…signs that he was going to try and uproot Skoodge from being in charge. What was happening now was just a confirmation of what had been festering in the fat Irken's mind.

BUT…Skoodge was quick for a fat little guy. He ducked and rolled across the lab as laser blasts lit the wall to his right and shot into the stairs. SIR leveled his guns again…or tried to, but found Skoodge kept running away as he blasted and blasted.

"Hold still." SIR ordered. "You are not being very cooperative."

"I'M not being cooperative?!?" Skoodge yelled, hiding behind a big, circular thing. It had flashing lights running up and down it and was whirring and humming. What did he use this thing for?...besides shelter in the unlikely event that his SIR unit turned against him…

SKRZZACCCKKK!

A shot tore through it and Skoodge rolled away…just as the lights dimmed down to a VERY low level until they went off. Occasionally they flickered back on, if only for a few seconds.

Oh. So THAT'S what it did, Skoodge thought. Power generator. Silly me!

BOOM!

A coupling went flying as SIR fired off another round. "_**POPCORN**_!" He cried cheerfully, firing off rapid shots that littered the wall with more plasma marks. Skoodge slunk amongst the machinery, trying to hide as best he could.

"YOU'VE GONE COMPLETELY INSANE!!!" Skoodge yelled. He pulled his spider legs out, but when they tried to raise him up in the air they WOBBLED and he fell to the ground, groaning. He kept forgetting to stick to his new year's resolution and lay off the fatty goods so he could lose some pounds. Of course, if he did what SIR asked him to and stayed STILL, he would be losing a LOT of weight. And then he would be DEAD WEIGHT.

"_**I'll be comin' around the mountain when I cooooome! I'll be comin' around the mountain when I cooooome!"**_ SIR sang out as his head opened and a large, wide-angled laser ray popped out, blasting a solid stream of dark red energy that reflected the insane spark in SIR's eyes as he continued to sing and strafe, trying to find where Skoodge was hiding among the circuitry. _**"I'll be blowin' your f--kin' head off , I'll be blowin' your f--kin' head off , I'll be whackin' your**_ _**f--kin' mind out when I coooooome!"**_

Skoodge dove across the floor and rolled just in time to avoid being sprayed by the beam, then flattened himself against a compactor, panting heavily as sweat poured down his brow. His guns, his guns, WHERE did he keep his…it was no use! They were upstairs, he needed something ELSE to beat SIR…

"Men worshipped the dragon because he had given authority to the Beast! And they also worshipped the Beast and asked, "Who is like the Beast? **Who** can make war against him"?" SIR recited from some unknown, creepy-sounding book.

Skoodge ran as fast as he could and rushed across the lab's floor as another flurry of plasma bullets whizzed around him. He groaned and managed to jump up, hopping from piece of machinery to piece of machinery before reaching a catwalk that was situated above most of the lab's equipment below.

CLANG!

SIR had leapt up through the air and was now leveling carbines straight at the fat, kinda ugly invader, and…if he could have…he would have been grinning a grin that was the work of demons. "C'mon, "master", be a good little Irken and obey the words of one superior to you!"

"You're supposed to be listening to what I say, y'know!" Skoodge said, backing off. "Now look, can't we work something out?" He asked. He looked to the right and noticed a book…the SIR guidelines! He'd left them on his workbench down below!

"Sure. Hold still." SIR asked.

BOING! Skoodge leapt off the catwalk to avoid a missile being launched at him and grabbed the book of SIR guidelines, looking through them. "Hmm." He mumbled. "No, no…oh, c'mon!!! Half of this is in BLARGIAN, this isn't any help!" He complained.

**"POPCORN!"**

"Notagainnotagainnotagain!" Skoodge cried out, rushing behind a large computer console as bullets tore up the guidebook AND the space he'd just been at.

FRAAAAAP!

Skoodge nervously blushed. SIR blinked. "Did you just…commit a large burst of flatulence?"

"………I do that when I'm nervous." Skoodge mumbled.

"YOU'RE _**DISGUSTING**_…" SIR hissed. "I can't WAIT to COMPLETELY eradicate your PUTRID existence from-"

While he was ranting about the "disgustingness" of "filthily flawed organic life", Skoodge quickly looked to the left side, behind the compactor and noticed that in the flurry of plasma bullets that had been sent his way, one of them had struck a console…and some wires had been exposed. Long, thin wires…that had electrical sparks shooting out of the ends of them.

He HAD to get to those wires. He heard SIR approaching the compactor he hid behind slowly, heard his voice call out. "Say, does the Irken army EVER take prisoners?" SIRasked calmly.

"I…DON'T." Skoodge hissed, slamming his full weight against the tall compactor.

BA-WHAM!

The compactor slammed down and struck SIR hard. He fell to the ground, pinned underneath and Skoodge rushed across the room as SIR's cracked head looked up, one red eye popping out.

"You actually think a fallen compactor is going to stop me?" He asked, the top of his head now popped off. "That's UNBELIVABLE naïve. Even for YOU, **SIR**!" The little robot said mockingly.

"No, **that** won't stop you, but I'm pretty sure THIS is gonna do the job." Skoodge said, holding up two electrical wires, one green and one blue…and jamming the cut-off ends into the head of the SIR unit.

SCCCZZZARRRRRPPPP!

SIR's body shot into the air, wrapped in electrical stimuli as his body convulsed madly and smoke poured out of his body. "IIIIIIIII AAAAAAAMM _ERROOOOOOOORRRRRRR_…" He squealed out in a high-pitched tone…

Just before his entire body went deathly still, then fell to the ground, never to move again.

The SIR unit had spoken it's last creepy words. He was really mostly sincerely dead!


	8. CHAPTER SEVEN

_"Every end becomes a new beginning. Death is just the next great adventure. Reincarnation is for those who didn't get it right the first time. I hear these sorts of things a lot and the more I think about it, the more I start to realize the underlying message behind them: people believe in second chances. They believe that you can make a mistake and be able to fix it. That you don't have to have bad karma dogging you for all of your life. Didn't go for the gusto and wish you had? Another chance will come by, so you'd better keep your eyes peeled. And you will...because you've learned from your mistakes. Eventually a moment will come when you can make everything right. And if you think that moment's passed...another one just like it is sure to follow. Life's FULL of chances. THAT'S the lesson!" _

**EPILOGUE**

Using Darth's ship cannons, they shot the annoying little thing's body out into space. Felix went "ooh" and Skoodge went "ahhh" as it soared across the sky like a comet in reverse.

"Make a wish!" Skoodge said happily, rubbing his gloved claws together and snickering.

"Well, I guess it's a good news week for all of us." Darth said, only able to see the comet through his ship. "I'VE found that there's one scientist who can help us. He's an Arcadian…but he'll need a show of good faith." He held his claws together. "He'll want to know we can be counted on to not turn him into the Irken Empire…"

…

…

…

… "And so he said he'd meet us as soon as he could." Skoodge finished as everyone looked intently at him.

The whole story had taken a long time. Now everyone was unsure of what so say…

Well…except for Tenn, who made the universal gesture for somebody who was cuckoo.

"WOAH, your SIR unit was CRAZY." Tenn said. "Hope that doesn't happen to MINE!"

"I DOUBT yours could be anything like MINE was!" Skoodge insisted. "But I don't know when exactly that "Darin" fellow will arrive…"

Then, suddenly, the roof opened up in a circular pattern, and a humanoid being without a nose wearing Harry-Potteresque glasses with square hair and a white, pocket-protector t-shirt appeared. He stood there in a ship with the cockpit open, and it appeared to be a small "A-Wing"-like craft.

"Invaders Darth and Skoodge?" The being asked. His voice had a "L33T" ring to it.

"I'm here." Darth said, looking up at the sound of this new being's voice.

"Yes, I'm Skoodge. You're Darin, right?" He asked, pointing at him. "I recognize the picture."

"Correct. Now then…" The square-haired no-nosed being snapped his fingers and his ship lowered some MORE. "I'm more than willing to help you in regards to finding Spork and tracking him down. I'll even find a way to set your precious Miyuki free if I can. From what you've told me, I've reason to believe he's keeping her alive solely to feed off her consciousness and torture her until he gets bored…"

"Which will never happen. He's SPORK." Larb said, looking disgusted.

"I'll find him and deal with him." Darin promised. "BUT…I will need all of you to make a promise. I work for a resistance group that goes against the Irken Empire, and I know that the Tallest have been trying to track somebody with my unique…talents…down."

"Talents?"

The Arcadian leapt down and patted Skoodge on the head. "Yep! I'm a Wonder, a Technopath. I talk to machines and can manipulate metal and other mechanical devices. If the Irken Empire were to capture me, they'd gain quite a useful weapon of war, and I know they keep searching for proof that I'm still alive. What I need you is to lie for me." He snapped his fingers again and metal shafts shot out of the walls, creating stairs that he used to walk back up to his ship's open cockpit. "First, I need you to keep quiet about Zim being involved in Miyuki's killing. A big friend of mine doesn't want anybody going after Zim, says "He's incredibly important"."

"…fair enough. Anything else?" Skoodge wanted to know.

"One more thing: all of you need to say that I attempted to destroy you for a resistance group and that you utterly ANNHILATED me in response." Darin smirked. "And for some proof…take these."

He tossed them his glasses, pulling out a spare piece. Felix quickly caught the glasses and turned to Darth as Darin went on. "So do you swear to lie in exchange for my services in finding and DEALING with Spork?"

"SWEAR." Darth demanded of the others.

"I swear." Skoodge said. "Promise!"

"Pinky swear!" Tenn snickered.

"Me too!" Felix said, nodding.

"I'll lie through my zipper-toothed teeth!" Larb laughed.

All of them swore to lie. A pact was made. Satisfied, Darin would leave.

Well…not before grabbing some cake.

…everybody loves cake! :)

…

…

…

…The Invaders kept their words. They would return to their respective still-in-need-of-conquering worlds, save for Darth, who stayed with Skoodge. Skoodge had already sent in an electronically-sent communication not only of his victory over his planet BUT on a fight with the infamous scientist Darin of the Arcadians.

When asked for confirmation of said battle, Skoodge had Darth and Felix back him up, then spoke of the other Irkens who he'd graciously invited to a party at which the battle had occurred. These Invaders were ALSO contacted.

"Terrible fight. Larb."

"Opponent slaughtered. Skutch."

"Biggest piece was blown away in wind, only glasses left. Skoodge was AMAZING. Tenn."

The Tallest would be made aware that an Invader had conquered a planet…that Operation Impending Doom Two was turning out to be a success! And in time Skoodge knew he would be celebrated, once all the red tape was out of the way.

Skoodge had told them everything at the party and the events that had occurred would be kept quiet. He could trust them.

…which made him feel bad, he realized, as he looked in the mirror in his room. Tomorrow Darth would leave along with Felix and the two would never find out the one, final truth Skoodge had kept hidden…

He was very, VERY afraid of rats now.

Yes, the virus had made them loyal to his words. But it got unusual…frightening…creepy. The sounds of them scurrying around outside, their chittering and snapping of teeth, their grunts and cries in the night…how many times had he spent his nights waiting in the bushes for one that was tame-looking enough to get close so he could inject it with his strain? How many scratches and cuts had he gotten? How many times had he looked into their soulless eyes and felt genuine fear…

He couldn't tell them about his fear of rats. It was just too embarrassing.

…

…

…

… "Well, I know you've got things covered down here." Darth said, nodding at Skoodge as Felix stood by his side. "Still, I want to wish you the best of luck just in case. I mean, it's not like the rats are going to stuff you into a cannon, but still…"

"Don't worry, I wouldn't ever end up going into a cannon." Skoodge insisted happily. "I'm just glad you came here. I needed the company, it gets…well, lonely with nobody else around. You won't be going after Zim, right?"

"I won't touch a single little scale on his head. And speaking of touch, STAY in touch." Darth said. And with that, he smiled and Felix and he headed up the gangplank of his ship. Skoodge smiled as he watched his blind-and-yet-not-blind friend fly away into the stars.

Darth wouldn't REALLY hurt Zim, Skoodge thought to himself. Darth had said so himself that he wasn't going to hurt Zim. And Darth never lied.

…

…

…

… "Why'd you lie to Skoodge?" Felix asked Darth as Darth lay back in his seat, the ship on "auto-pilot".

"I didn't lie, per se." Darth explained. "I said I wouldn't TOUCH Zim. I don't need to physically touch him to kill him." He laughed. "Besides I can always have YOU do it."

"I dunno. I don't think I'm violent enough."

"Okay, okay. Say, how about I tell you a story?" Darth asked.

"Oh, BOY!" Felix's eyes lit up.

"Now I'll tell you any you like except-"

"Hamster Huey and the Gooey Kablooie?" Felix asked, holding up a comic book.

"ARGH!" Darth held his curled-back, rounded-tip antennae and groaned. "NOT THAT BOOK!" He swore.

"I want Hamster Huey!" Felix shouted.

""You've read it eighteen dozen times! You KNOW HOW THE STORY ENDS!" Darth groaned, waving his claws in the air.

"**I WANT HAMSTER HUEY!"** Felix screamed.

…

…

…

… "_Boy, the story SURE was different that time." _Felix thought as he lay back in his cot on the ship while Darth lay on his just across from him, the ship still on auto-pilot and headed towards Earth. _"I wonder if the townsfolk will ever find Hamster Huey's head?" _

…

…

…

… "Hello?"

"You there, boss-man?"

"Ah, Darin, glad to hear from you! So tell me…is "it" on?"

"Leeroy Jenkins is safe and sound. I've got it under control. They all swore."

"I doubt Darth will totally keep his word, he'll find a loophole around it, but I'll deal with him somehow. You try and track down Spork and rescue Miyuki. Good job too."

"No problem, Captain!"

"Oh, and uh, the e-check is in the Resisty's mail."

"LOL!"

_"...seriously, keep your eyes peeled. A chance for change can come at any moment. And you DON'T wanna miss it TWICE!" _

**THE END...**

**Or is it? No, it's not. Skoodge's story shall continue in "IZ: The Series". And I thank you all for reading and enjoying this story! **


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